Redemption
by Nargalad
Summary: After the death of Sha're, Daniel still can't forgive himself.
1. Loss

"Welcome back, SG-1, and congratulations." Announced General Hammond as the team arrived from off-world. "The naquadah you secured will prove to be a great help." Then he turned to Daniel Jackson, "And the alliance you created with the Midays will also prove to be a great help in the future, Dr. Jackson."

Jack cut in, "I've always said he has a way with people."

Daniel neither accepted nor rejected the complements. In fact, he hardly heard them at all. Hammond saw that he was distracted and gave Jack a worried look. Then he announced as he left, "Debriefing in fifteen minutes."

Daniel walked out of the gate room in a haze. Thinking something was up, Jack followed.

"Jack, it looked so much like Abydos…"

"I know. But you still helped out the mission." Jack tried to make him feel better.

"Yeah, sure I did. I'm surprised I did anything at all. My mind just kept drifting back to last month when…" He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

The debriefing only lasted twenty minutes. Daniel's report was surprisingly low-key considering the some of the artifacts he saw. The only time he seemed exited about anything during this meeting was when the Miday's language was brought up.

His eyes lit up as he explained, "It was actually based very closely off of the ancient Greek. I just had to make some minor adjustments, but it was relatively the same."

"I'm just glad it was that easy. If he hadn't been able to communicate with them, they would have continued thinking we were some sort of thieves." Sam added what Daniel wouldn't have said.

"Good work." Congratulated General Hammond. "Dismissed." Everyone walked out except General Hammond and Jack.

"Jack, I'm worried about Dr. Jackson. He hasn't been himself lately." General Hammond pointed out.

"You mean since Sha're…" Jack stopped as soon as he saw Daniel enter the room.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt." Daniel apologized.

"It's okay." General Hammond answered.

"Sir, I'm not feeling so good. I would like to request the rest of the day off." Daniel informed his superiors.

"Granted," Hammond responded, "Go home and get some rest."

After Daniel walked out of the room, Jack asked, "Should I go with him?"

"It'd probably be best." Hammond answered.

Jack jogged to catch up with Daniel. Much to his annoyance, Jack didn't go quite fast enough and missed the elevator ride Daniel was on. Impatiently, he waited till it came around again. Finally, he got to the ground floor. Immediately he started running towards the parking garage. Daniel wasn't there. Then he remembered that Daniel's car was in the shop. "Darn it Daniel, why are you so stubborn? You could have asked me for a ride." He thought as he turned around to catch up with his friend.

"Why did you follow me Jack?" Asked Daniel, half annoyed that his commander had followed him.

Jack ignored the question. "Come on Daniel, we're taking my car."

"But Sir…" Protested Daniel.

"That's an order!" Jack informed Daniel as he walked to block Daniel's passageway out of the base.

Without conversation, Jack led Daniel to his car. When they got in Jack said, "Daniel, I know how you feel. I mean, considering what happened to Charlie, I should say we're both in kind of the same boat. So, if you need to talk, I'm here."

"Jack, I'm fine. I don't need to talk about anything. I just need to be alone." As hard as he tried to not let anything show, his cracking voice told Jack as much as he needed to know.

"Darn it Daniel, stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault!" Jack exclaimed.

"Yes it was!" Daniel shouted back.

In all the years Jack had known him, this was only the second time he'd heard Daniel explode like that. The first time was because… Jack couldn't remember exactly why. He didn't know what to say, so they continued in silence.

When they arrived at Daniel's apartment building, Daniel got out and simply stated, "Tell the General I'm sorry I had to go. Thanks for the ride." He shut the door before Jack could respond.

Despite this, Jack said, "Anytime." Then, as he drove back to the base, he said under his breath, "We'd better hang on, this could get to be a bumpy ride."

It was starting to get dark as Daniel walked up to his apartment building. He had been with people all day long. Those were people who had no idea how he felt; people who had no idea what he was going through. He just needed time to be alone. He needed to deny how he felt and if he couldn't do that, he needed to push those feelings so far back that they wouldn't bother him anymore.

Daniel walked in and, instead of taking the elevator to the eighth floor, he headed for the stairs. Trying to deny how he felt was too hard, especially since he was alone, so when he reached the third flight of stairs, he sat on a step in the vacant stairwell and let himself cry. Had anyone been there, he couldn't have done that, especially if one of his team members, who had become his closest friends, were there. They had enough to worry about. He didn't need them to pity him.

Daniel finally made it to his apartment where he went to his balcony to get some fresh air. This cleared his head a little. He took out his wallet and found the picture that he held dear: the picture of his wife.

"Sha're, I can't deal with this any more. I'm sorry I didn't keep Shifu. He looked a lot like you. He's safe though, I wouldn't have it any other way." He looked out at the sun setting over the city buildings and, still talking to Sha're, he whispered, "I love you."

Because it was summer, Daniel stayed outside on his balcony all night. When he finally fell asleep, he held Sha're's picture close to his heart.

Thanks for reading this! This is my first story submitted, so please review and tell me where i can improve.


	2. The Same Thing All Over Again

When the sunlight warmed the balcony the next morning, Daniel woke up. Still a little depressed, but able to face the day, he got ready to go back to the SGC. Then he remembered that his car was still in the shop.

Great." He muttered unhappily. So, he opened the door and trudged downstairs. Much to his surprise and delight, there was his car waiting for him! A note on the windshield read, "Did some fancy talking and got this here. Hope it helps. – O'Neill"

That raised his mood a little. Sha're used to do little unexpected things like that. Just a month ago, he had hope of saving her, but now…

He was in his car and five minutes later he realized he hadn't even started it yet. He figured if he was going to be this absent minded before even starting the car, it'd be better for him to walk to work. The base really wasn't that far, only about a half hour walk. Since he would get a late start, he figured it'd be best for him to call ahead and inform them he'd be late.

Daniel got out of his car and made his way back up to his apartment. Suddenly, something caught his ears. Someone was crying. He looked in a narrow ally between two apartment buildings and saw a boy about thirteen years old. His light-brown hair was all matted with dirt and his spirits looked just as good.

"Hey there." Daniel kneeled down in front of the kid, "What's wrong?" He pushed all thoughts of Sha're out of his head as he tried to help the boy.

The kid was shy at first, not knowing if he could trust this stranger or not. But, after he saw the genuine concern in his eyes, he said, "I'm just scared."

"Where are your parents?"

"Dead, they died about two weeks ago."

Memories of his parents' death flooded Daniel's mind. The helplessness he felt when he died, how alone he felt when he hopped from foster home to foster home. "I'm sorry. My name's Daniel Jackson."

"Nick, my name's Nick."

"Well, Nick, how about we get you some food?" Daniel invited. He had to find some better was to help him, but this was a start.

While Daniel cooked breakfast for Nick, Nick sat on the couch and watched the Cartoon Channel. The archeologist would have preferred the History Channel, but he gave it up this time for his guest. Before he started cooking, Daniel started a pot of coffee so that it'd be ready when Nick's breakfast was ready.

When the food was served, Nick quickly inhaled the scrambled eggs and toast. When offered some coffee, Nick declined. Daniel was exactly the opposite; he needed his coffee almost daily.

"Thank you for breakfast, Mr. Jackson."

"Call me Daniel."

"Okay."

After breakfast, Daniel took Nick shopping for a set of new clothes. The entire trip only took about twenty minutes. When they got back to the apartment, Nick cleaned up while Daniel called the SGC.

"Hey, Teal'c, have you seen Daniel anywhere?" Asked Colonel Jack O'Neill.

"I have not." Teal'c answered.

"That's weird. Even if he was sick, he'd have at least called." Observed Jack.

"This is indeed out of Daniel Jackson's character."

General Hammond walked up and asked, "Do either of you know where Dr.

Jackson is?"

"We were just talking about that." Jack stated.

"So you don't know either." Restated General Hammond. Suddenly, the phone rang, surprising them a little. Hammond quickly picked it up, "Jackson? Oh good. Where…? Oh…You could bring him here… No… Very well, we'll be expecting you. Good bye."

"What was that all about?" Jack asked.

"Dr. Jackson took in an orphan he found outside his apartment building." Hammond summarized.

"He couldn't save Sha're so he's trying to make up for it?" Jack guessed.

After getting cleaned up, Nick found Daniel waiting for him watching the History Channel and sipping a cup of coffee.

"Thank you again, Daniel." Nick repeated sitting next to him on the couch.

"You're welcome." Daniel briefly glanced behind Nick where a picture of Sha're still had its place.

Nick turned around to see what Daniel so briefly looked at and saw the picture too, "She's pretty. Who is she?"

"Her name was Sha're and she was my wife." Daniel Answered.

"Was?"

"She died about a month ago." Daniel's eyes filled with sadness as he remembered the last look she gave him. It was in the last instant she was alive that the Goa'uld gave way and she looked at him with such love and at the same time telling him to forgive Teal'c. That memory had burned itself into his mind until the world's end.

"Oh. I guess we have something in common then, don't we?"

"More than you know." Daniel paused for a moment, "My parents died when I was eight."

"Is that why you helped me, be cause you know how I feel?" Nick asked.

Daniel avoided the question. "Nick, I was put in foster home after foster home. I don't want anyone else to have to go through that. I'm going to find you a permanent home."

Nick half smiled, "At least a home for a little while."

Daniel frowned a little at what he took as pessimism. Then he said, "Well, I've got to get to work."

"But… where will I stay?" Nick asked suddenly becoming worried.

Daniel smiled. "You're coming with me."

Nick smiled too. "Awesome!" As they were making their way to the car, Nick asked, "What is it exactly you do?"

"Well, I'm an archaeologist, a linguist, and an anthropologist."

"But what exactly do you do?" Nick clarified.

Daniel laughed, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Danny! What took you so long?" Jack greeted. "Oh, and who's your guest?"

"This is…" Daniel started.

"My name's Nick. Wow, this is an awesome place!" Nicked looked at his surroundings, "I've always wanted to be someone who worked on a top secret mission for the government." He looked around again. "This place would be perfect for it!"

Both Jack and Daniel looked at each other holding back a laugh.

"Well Kiddo, I'm sure that'd be the best job in the… galaxy." Jack spoke the truth, he loved his job.

"Do you want to take a short tour?" Daniel asked Nick who was starting to look pale. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." As Nick spoke, a piercing pain shot through his body, causing him to double over,

"Jack, get a medical teem here right now!" Daniel demanded as he went to help Nick.

Jack was shocked by the order. Very rarely did Daniel bark out orders like that. Nevertheless, Jack got a med teem as fast as he could and Nick was rushed to the infirmary.

Jack and Daniel followed, but when they went to go in the room, Janet shooed them out. "You boys have to stay outside. If this is what I think it is, this may not be good. She cast a very worried look at Daniel, but it really was more of a worried look because of Daniel. "Now shoo."

Daniel and Jack obeyed the doctor and went out to the hall. Samantha and Teal'c had heard the news and were waiting for them out side of the infirmary. Daniel said nothing to them; he just sat down on a chair by the door, completely and utterly helpless to do anything.

"Is the kid going to be okay?" Sam asked.

"I don't know, but it isn't looking good." Jack answered.

"Oh. I'm sorry." Sam looked sadly at Daniel then turned back to Jack. "Teal'c and I have to 'gate out in a little bit with SG-6. We should be back in a couple of days." They left to get ready for their trip.

"Thanks for stopping by!" Jack called after them as they walked away.

Daniel was still sitting by the door, "I'll be in my lab if anything happens." He announced as he got up to leave.

"Daniel, wait!" Jack called after Daniel had walked a few steps.

Reluctantly, Daniel retraced his steps and stood facing away from Jack.

"Danny, that kid is just about as stubborn as you. When he doubled over like that, I could tell that wasn't the first time that's happened to him, but he expected it to be one of the last.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Daniel asked bluntly. "I'll be in my lab."

This time Jack let his friend pass. Jack knew that Daniel had to deal with everything that had been happening sooner or later; Jack just hoped for Daniel's sake it would be sooner.

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I hope i didn't take too long to get this out, and I really hope you like it! please review! 


	3. Talking It Out

Daniel walked into his lab. There was something soothing about the familiar room. He found his notebook and a text he was translating and started to work on it. He paused for a moment so he could make some coffee. After emptied the cup and refilled it, he resumed his work.

An hour went by and then there was a knock on the door. "Hey, can I come in?" The person on the other side of the door asked.

"Sure." Daniel barely looked up from his work.

Jack came in, "Nick's stable. Danny, his parents died of radiation poisoning. That's what's killing him too. He didn't get a lot at one time, like you did…, but he was exposed to a little bit every day for almost a year. Before he came here, there was a considerable amount of work already done on him. The other doctors almost depleted all the radiation from his system, but a little remained. The damage is too severe for us to do anything but make him comfortable. Janet estimated he'll live for another three days." Jack reported.

Daniel pretended like he was working through the entirety of Jack's explanation, but he was listening. He heard every blasted word of it.

"Talk to me Daniel." Jack commanded.

Daniel said nothing; he just sat there, helpless again to save someone.

"Danny…" Jack knew that he was just too stubborn to talk about it.

"Can I talk to him?" Daniel finally asked.

"Yeah, he's in the infirmary." Jack answered.

* * *

Daniel walked into the infirmary, a little hesitant of what he might see.

"Daniel!" Greeted Nick who was stilling up in the bed and seemed perfectly fine, "Maybe you can convince these doctors that I'm as good as I'm going to get, so they might as well let me get up."

"I'll see what I can do." Daniel pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed. "I've heard about the poisoning."

"Oh, so I'm going to spend the rest of my life in this bed?" Nick asked drearily.

"Don't worry; you'll at least get a tour of the base." Daniel promised.

"Daniel, I don't even know how I got like this," Nick explained.

Daniel thought for a moment how he should answer him. Since he decided that going into a total scientific explanation would be Sam's job, Daniel just asked, "Where did you live before you got sick?"

"Here and there," Nick studied the floor as he was talking, "My parents and I didn't have that much money so we moved to where ever we could find work. The last place my parents worked at was at a radio station keeping the transmitters maintained. Once and a while I'd go up with them if they needed me," Then he laughed, "One time, I went up there alone because my dad wanted me to make sure everything was in tip-top condition and I was so tired that I fell asleep in the lift."

Daniel finally understood, "Microwaves."

"What?"

"You're sick because the transmitters you were around gave you radiation poisoning," Daniel explained.

"That's what killed my parents too?" Nick asked. Daniel nodded, "They tried to get me help, but dad's insurance didn't pay much of the medical bills. Finally they took me to a free community hospital. The doctors took care of my skin damage, but they didn't realize until it was too late that it was worse than that. By then it was too late to do much of anything."

"What about your parents? Did they get help?" Daniel could guess at the answer and be pretty close, but he could tell that Nick never had the chance to talk about it with anyone before and thought it best just to ask.

"No, they never did. They spent practically everything on medications for me before we found the free hospital. Unfortunately, since they had spent so much more time up near the transmitters than I had, they were so much worse than me, so much that the doctors at the free hospital didn't know what to do. They would have lived if we had money to get better doctors. I didn't see them die; actually I never saw them after the last time they walked out of my hospital room. They were cremated since the radiation already half took care of that."

"You're lucky you didn't see them die. I can't forget the moment when I did. And, I do know what it's like to have radiation poisoning. I had it worse than you, but within a shorter time span."

"How? If you had radiation poisoning worse than mine, you'd… well, you'd be dead right now." Nick pointed out.

"I did. So, for about a year I was in a better place. Then, when I couldn't stand it anymore, I came back." Daniel vaguely described his ascension.

"Can I go to this place?" Nick wondered aloud.

Daniel answered truthfully, "Probably not, I was lucky to get there."

"If you didn't get to that place, where would you be now?"

"With Sha're and my parents."

"Daniel, I don't want to die." Nick admitted.

Daniel tried to comfort the poor boy. "But you'd get to see your parents again. Wouldn't that make it all worth while?"

"It would at least give me something to look forward to." Nick felt a little better.

Janet came in and told Daniel that he would have to go because Nick needed his sleep. Therefore, Daniel left to go find General Hammond to talk to him about the tour.

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Sorry for the wait for me to get this out... my internet's been acting up. oh well.   
I love reviews! please review! 


	4. The Tour

"Dr. Jackson, I'm not sure that'd be such a good idea," General Hammond replied after Daniel made his case.

"Sir, I can't save him. And, with all due respect, I'm not just going to stand by and watch helplessly while he dies." Daniel wasn't going to give up without a fight.

General Hammond reconsidered. "Alright, but he doesn't go anywhere with a level five security clearance and higher. Do you understand?"

"What about the Gate room?"

"He stays on base, but yes, he may see the Stargate. You can tell him first thing tomorrow, but for now I want you to go to your quarters and get some sleep."

"Yes sir. Thank you sir." Daniel was too happy to protest the part about going to sleep, so he went to his room on base and slept.

* * *

The next morning, Daniel woke up, got dressed and, instead of eating a real breakfast, he just grabbed a chocolate bar and a cup of coffee. "This is what I call a breakfast." He thought.

After he finished the chocolate, he went to Jack's office to have a chat. When he got there, the room was vacant of any people. He turned around to look for Jack and found him walking up the corridor towards him.

" 'morning sir." Daniel greeted his superior.

" 'morning Daniel, what's up?"

"General Hammond gave me permission to show Nick around the base, want to come?" Daniel invited.

"Sure, why not?" Jack accepted. "Are Teal'c and Carter sill on P3X-269?"

"Yeah, they're coming back sometime tomorrow, depending on how things go."

"Daniel, they're mapping the land and taking rock samples. What could go wrong?" Jack asked.

"Well, you remember what happened last time…" Daniel pointed out. They both half laughed at that, remembering the little predicament they got themselves into.

"Hm, it's 10:30; think we should start the tour?" Jack suggested.

"Yeah."

They started walking down to the infirmary when Jack pointed out, "Um, Daniel? You might want to get rid of that coffee you have. Janet wouldn't be too happy if she caught you with that."

Daniel rolled his eyes when he recalled the lecture she had given him when, for six days, he had put himself on a coffee only diet while he was examining artifacts SG-5 brought back. Daniel would have gone longer if he could, but malnutrition took its toll and he ended up in the infirmary. Now Janet makes sure he knows that she disapproves of his habit of drinking coffee whenever she can. Therefore, he drank the last of the dark liquid and disposed of the foam cup in the nearest trashcan.

They caught Janet while she was coming out of the infirmary.

"Good morning Janet." Jack greeted.

"Good morning Colonel. Good morning Daniel." Janet greeted in return.

"Dr. Frasier." Daniel acknowledged in return, nodding his head a bit.

"The General told me about the tour. Nick should be fine to go, but if he shows any symptoms at all, I want him right back in that bed." Janet explained.

"Sounds like a plan to me." Jack agreed.

The teammates went in to get Nick who was overjoyed to hear the news and even more exited about getting out of that bed.

"We could start the tour here and explain every single detail we can about this room," Jack joked, "But I can tell you want to go, so let's move on, shall we?"

"Yes, let's." Nick agreed.

And so the tour began. They went from the infirmary, to the mess hall, through several empty meeting rooms, and the General even let them come through his office. The look on Nick's face the entire time was pure excitement. He'd never seen anything like that place in his life! After visiting the General's office, they also went to Daniel's lab and Jack's office.

When the two men finally stopped beating around the bush, they finally took Nick to the door that led into the Gate room.

"Last stop." Jack announced as Daniel gave his ID card to the guard who was standing next to the door and swiped the card to open it.

"Welcome to the Gate room!" Daniel announced as they stepped inside.

The blue plasma in the Stargate was active, making it look like a huge pool turned on its side. "Whoa." Nick couldn't believe his eyes. Pure amazement absolutely covered his face. After the initial shock wore off, Nick turned around to face Daniel and Jack and began asking the three billion questions that flooded into his mind. "What is that? How does it work? What does it do? What do the symbols on the sides mean? Where is it from?..."

"Whoa, calm down kiddo. I think Dannyboy should be the one to explain it to you. After all, he was the one who figured out how to make it work. Anyways, I have to go. See you later!" Jack left the room.

Along the side wall, Daniel and Nick found some seats to sit on.

"So, let me guess. You work on top secret missions for the government?"

"Something like that." Daniel admitted.

Nick was in awe. "So, what is it?" he asked talking about the Stargate.

They spent two hours talking about the Stargate. As usual, Daniel avoided anything that gave him too much credit.

Near the end of the two hours, Nick was starting to pale again. Even though this would have seemed minor, Daniel knew it wasn't and despite protests, he immediately took Nick back to Dr. Frasier.

* * *

I've had nothing else to do but write. :) (fun fun fun till my daddy took the t-bird away) :) School starts the 16th, so i can't promise new chapters soon, but I'll work hard to get them aout before it starts. ** I love reviews... so please review! (please?) **


	5. Forgivness

To pass the time after leaving Nick, Daniel went to his lab to continue translating the text he worked on the day before. Hours passed until the phone finally rang.

"Dr. Jackson." He answered.

It was Janet. "I need you to come down here."

He heard something in her voice that didn't sound quite right. Something was wrong, he could tell. "I'll be right there."

Daniel jogged a steady pace all the way there. Jack was waiting with Dr. Frasier Just outside the infirmary. Despite their efforts of concealing what happened, their eyes betrayed them.

"No, please no." Daniel prayed. He slowed his jog down to a walk as he continued towards them.

"I'm sorry." Dr. Frasier whispered when Daniel reached them.

"Was it painless?" Daniel knew the answer, having been through it himself. But, right then, it was all he could think to ask.

"Because of you it was. Have you not had helped him, the pain would have been unbearable. But because we could help him, he died peacefully in his sleep." Janet explained. She opened the door to let them know it was okay for them to go inside, and she left.

Nick's body was still lying on the bed emptied of all life. Jack and Daniel sat down on either side of the bed in silence for a few minutes.

Finally, Jack spoke up. "Danny, why exactly did you take him in?"

"After Sha're died, I've been thinking a lot about the death of my parents. At their deaths, I was helpless to do anything but watch. I needed to forgive myself for that. I needed to help someone." He tried to keep the sadness he felt locked away inside himself, but it found escape through his downcast blue eyes.

"So when you found Nick, you thought this was your chance?" Jack clarified.

"Yeah, I guess I was wrong, wasn't I?"

"What do you mean 'you were wrong'?" Jack asked. "You saw his face light up in the Gate room. Don't say you didn't because I saw the smile on your face. Danny, you made that boy's dream come true. You did everything you could to make sure his last days were the best. His death was inevitable, but you made it better for him than if he died on the street, alone with no one who cared if he died or not."

There were a few more minutes of silence.

"When you were working in your lab earlier, SG-6 radioed in and said they'd be in today. They should be coming in any minute now, let's wait for them at the Stargate."

"I'd rather stay here for a little while longer." Daniel explained.

"Okay, you know where to find me if you need me."

"Thanks." Daniel said

"For what?" Jack asked

"For being my friend and for putting up with me."

"Any time." Jack walked out of the room.

"I'm receiving SG-6's IDC." Walter announced.

"Open the iris." General Hammond responded.

Jack was right there, waiting for Teal'c and Carter to come back. Teal'c came through first followed closely by Sam and SG-6.

"O'Neill, how is Nick?" Teal'c asked.

"Yeah, how is he, we haven't heard about him since we left." Sam stated.

"He died about an hour ago." Daniel answered after he walked into the Gate

Room.

"Daniel, it's good to see you're okay. How are you feeling?" Sam asked.

Daniel answered truthfully, "Been better."

Jack walked into Daniel's lab, "Daniel, how'd you like the funeral?"

"I liked that he got a proper funeral and that his parents were remembered in all of it too. What I think was the best part was that we could find some relatives. At least we know that the body's going to be taken care of."

"He really was a cool kid. I wouldn't have minded if he stayed around a while longer. I didn't really see much of you there, where'd you spend most of your time?" Jack asked.

"I spent it realizing that I have finally eased the pain of death for someone. Maybe that's why he had to die, so that I could finally forgive myself."

Jack looked at the book in front of Daniel that looked like gibberish to him. It was closed and the smile on Daniel's face told him he was done translating it. "So, you want to catch a game of ice hockey with the rest of the gang?"

"Let's go."

* * *

Sorry for such a long time between posts... my internet has been acting up and I haven't been able to do anything on it for a long time. Well… I hope you liked the ending. 

Please review!


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